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I wrote the following on my Tumblr after seeing this gif set of Tina Fey discussing nobody caring about a certain number of women being in space – and how that’s fantastic.

The sign of progress really IS when people don’t care. Every time I produce any sort of online content I end up with comments, emails, asks, or some sort of feedback that focuses exclusively on my gender. Frequently this is in a negative light. Webcam on my live stream, just like men do? Attention whore! Make a video where my face appears, just like men do? Attention whore! Post pictures of myself, just like men do? Attention whore! Game controller, game t-shirt, game poster, game *anything* in the shot, just like men have? Fake attention whore!

This happens every time a piece of content includes something that reveals my gender. Let me stress at this point “REVEALS”. At no point am I trying to rub my labia in your face. (That would be sexual harassment.)

I am not special. My gender and interests do not make me unique. There are far more women who love games than most people I’ve encountered realize. I am not a unicorn. I do not deserve one ounce of attention for my gender. I only deserve attention if you like the content I produce. If I make you smile, if I make you laugh, then I deserve it. I strive every day to get the attention I *do* deserve. To make people smile, to make them laugh. I hide, delete, and censor far more comments than usually I let on.

I don’t want attention I don’t deserve, but I cannot figure out how to avoid it without severely limiting myself. There is a section of people who follow me for my gender. I cannot stop this without pretending to be male, and doing that would limit my ability to create content. I don’t lie. I don’t want to start lying. I already make sure most of my names in online games are masculine or at least gender neutral so I receive as little “special treatment” as possible. In order to stop receiving any amount of attention for my gender I would need to remake accounts, use a voice modifier on all audio content, never have my face in a video again, never post a picture of myself again, never live stream video again, never vlog again, and be incredibly careful with what’s around me when I take pictures (pink blankets, purse, jewelry, birth control, my clitoris, and so on).

So I suck it up, try my best to ignore the section of people give me attention for my gender, and the other section of people accusing me of targeting the first section of people, and try to make the rest of you smile. Sometimes this is too draining and I take a week or two off and spend time offline where I rarely get told “OH MY GOD YOU’RE STANDING IN STARBUCKS AND YOU’RE A GIRL? WOW, YOU’RE GOOD AT ORDERING A LATTE FOR A GIRL.”

In summary, I’ve written a lot of words about ignoring my vagina, which I feel draws somewhat more attention to my vagina. How am I supposed to talk about this?!

Nipples.